remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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