These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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