Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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