Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
