I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
