Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
