I want to stick my p in your. b.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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