all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
