she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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