what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
