i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
