If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
