I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
