dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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