Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
