I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Come see our sink grown plant.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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