There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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