12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
