I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
