she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
