we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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