I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
