Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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