My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
