everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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