so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
