i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
