looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
