you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
