I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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