You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
