someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
