I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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