I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
