Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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