I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
