I wanna bring you to show and tell
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
