I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no. you can't hotbox the world.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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