Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
