why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
