this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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