Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
