i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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