I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
