What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
