and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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