apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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