Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
