I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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