It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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