do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
